Day 352: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #9 - Dress the Part

Just two lessons left which means that the Balls of All Sizes quest is nearing its finale—just 13 days left. Up until now, Baseball for Beginners has covered the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup, Some Basic Rules, Lingo and More Lingo. I'm sure I could do another half dozen posts on baseball lingo, but I figured you have enough to get you started and make you sound like you know what you're doing.

One of the most important lessons for new female baseball fans is the wardrobe. And we're not so much talking about what the players are wearing on the field. They were uniforms, by the way... not costumes or outfits. What I'm talking about is what you are wearing to the ballpark.

If you plan on attending a few games, please just purchase a hat. It's a pretty inexpensive item and can serve dual purposes. The hat can show your allegiance to your team, but also keep the sun out of your eyes if you're enjoying a day game in the bleachers. However... please, PLEASE never, EVER purchase a pink hat. If you're not under the age of five, this is not allowed. There's not much that screams "I have no friggin' idea what I'm doing" more than the pink hat.

Sometimes you might hear someone referred to as a "pink hat." This is not a compliment. Urban Dictionary defines a "pink hat" as "an over zealous, typically female fan of a recently successful local pro sports franchise. Characterized by the brand spanking new, officially licensed pink team hat. Typically spends the majority of the game chatting on cell phone, waving to TV camera, asking idiotic questions, and being a stupid, annoying nuisance in general." If you're trying to be a respectable, new baseball fan, steer clear of the pink hats. Don't let this happen to you!

There's no law that says you must wear a team-inspired t-shirt. But if you're next purchase happens to be a shirt, the choices are endless. I try to stay away from shirts with players' names on the back strictly because it bugs the shit out of me when you see a person sitting in Fenway Park wearing a NIXON jersey when Trot Nixon hasn't played for the Red Sox since 2006. The only exception are #8 Yastrzemski or #9 Williams shirts—or anyone else who played the majority of their career AND retired while with the Sox. (If you're not a Red Sox fan, this applies to your local team too!)

However... I would rather have you buy a shirt with someone's name on the back than a shirt that has any type of embellishment or bedazzles. Victoria's Secret has a PINK sports gear line that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. Click on the link HERE to view the absurdity, but please refrain from purchasing anything from this website. If the shirt sparkles or glitters, put it down and walk away from it... fast. I know there's a lot of gear made specifically for women. If you must buy it, go ahead. Just please make sure it won't blind someone when the sun hits it, and it displays the team colors.

Just follow these simple rules in clothing yourself for a trip to the ballpark and now one gets hurt. And I'll definitely let you sit next to me!