Day 341: Marlins Moan Over Lack of Red Sox Stars

This might be my most favorite story from spring training so far. We learned some things about the Miami Marlins organization this week. We learned that they're a bunch of whiny bitches. And we learned that they're greedy and like to cheat their fans. And we also learned that they are a pretty horrible team.

Why are they whiny bitches, you might ask? The Red Sox traveled to Jupiter, FL on Thursday for a game against the Marlins. Now this is a pretty far drive for an exhibition game—about two and a half hours—and the organization did not send one starting player from the 2013 team to play. The closest they got were two minor leaguers that saw some time in Boston—Jackie Bradley Jr. and Ryan Lavarnway. The Marlins were pissed that they didn't get at least the MLB-required minimum of four major league roster players. Miami brass took to the press to express their displeasure with the situation which made them look like, well, you know, whiny bitches.

And how could they be cheating their fans? Because the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox were coming to town for a game (an exhibition game, mind you), the Marlins thought this was their chance to make a few extra bucks. They charged their fans "super premium pricing" for the tickets which means that fans were paying $8-$12 more than the regular pricing. All for the chance to see David Ortiz or Dustin Pedroia or Shane Victorino play for a couple innings? Well, none of those stars showed up and now it just looks like the Miami organization is a bunch of money grubbers that like to gouge their fans. But if you ask them, it's Boston's fault.

The Marlins were a pretty horrible team in 2013. Their 62-100 record was only better than one other team in all of baseball. Basically, they have no stars to attract fans so they need to rely on their opponents to draw in the crowds. But then they bitch and complain that the Red Sox didn't hold up their end of the bargain when they sent their minor league squad. So here's the deal... if the Sox sent what essentially turned out to be Pawtucket to play, and the Marlins fielded their required four major leaguers, how is it that the game ended in a 0-0 tie? I guess the Marlins must just plain suck.

Basically, the only guy on the field who played regularly on that 2013 Championship team was Jarrod Saltalamacchia, and he plays for the Marlins now. I feel bad for him... he now works for a bunch of chumps. And will probably never hoist another World Series trophy for the rest of his career—at least not if he stays in southern Florida.

Day 340: Will Stephen Drew Be Missed?

I've spent most of this winter wondering what was going to happen to poor Stephen Drew and where he was going to land. If you remember, Drew was advised by his douchebag agent, Scott Boras, to turn down Boston's one-year qualifying offer of $14 million. Boras was sure that Drew could land a multi-year deal somewhere else and off they went. Well, the start of the 2014 season is less than a month away and Drew remains unsigned.

Wondering why I'm talking about a guy who's not even on the team? To be honest, I could care less about Stephen Drew. He was never one of my favorites—and maybe that stems from how much I despised his brother, JD. I always felt he didn't belong on this team, never appearing to have the same attitude as the rest of the bearded band of brothers. Sure, he was pretty great in the field and even more so defensively in the postseason, but he was lacking as an offensive player and eked out just six hits in October.

So what? Drew doesn't return to the team and that'll be ok because there's a slick, 21-year-old Aruban waiting in the wings to take that position for himself. In his short time with the Red Sox in 2013, Xander Bogaerts split his time between third base and shortstop. He played just 17 games at the big league level during the regular season but it feels like he's been there forever. Bogaerts was called up in late August, but played such an integral role in both play down the stretch and the postseason that it's hard to imagine him not succeeding this season.

By not signing Stephen Drew, the Red Sox have put their trust in two youngsters to patrol the left side of the infield. Will Middlebrooks, who was born the year I graduated from high school, struggled last year through slumps and even spent some time in Triple-A to deal with his issues. Sure, he's put on 30 pounds of muscle, but will that translate into more consistent hitting and better range in the infield? And Bogaerts, who was born the year I graduated from college (god, I'm old), is having a pretty solid spring so far but if you remember, Jackie Bradley Jr's successful spring in 2013 didn't carry over when the team headed north.

But there's still a few weeks of spring training to go and you never know, some other young infielder could impress the coaches and find themselves trotting out onto the field at Fenway Park on April 4th. I know I run the risk of sounding greedy by saying this, but it would be very cool to see a young phenom make a big name for himself in a Boston uniform this season. Maybe it will be Xander and we'll all be asking, "Stephen who?"

Day 339: Should I Be Worried, Red Sox?

When the 2013 season started for the Boston Red Sox, I was genuinely worried. I had no idea what was going to happen after such a horrific previous season. I didn't expect much—and would've been happy with a .500 record and for them to regain some semblance of class and team chemistry. So to say 2013 exceeded my expectations would be an understatement.

Now that the start of 2014 is just around the corner, I have to wonder what this year will bring. The returning team is missing a few key players from the '13 campaign, but has also gained a few guys that could make a difference. They're ready to put their World Series Championship behind them and move forward—turn the page and put their focus solely on the task ahead. That task? Repeating last year's outcome.

If the first six games of Grapefruit League play are any indication of how the regular season will go, they're in trouble. The Red Sox are just 1-5 so far in Spring Training play. But maybe this is just me being a paranoid fan. Maybe I'm just a little gun shy, afraid that those demons of years past will wrap their dirty hands around this team and choke the life out of them. Or maybe I'm being completely ridiculous and I just have to have confidence that the guys on this team would never let something like that happen.

I do have a little concern with the number of runs they've been giving up in these preseason games, averaging just over seven runs per game. I feel silly nitpicking about this—I understand that spring training is all trial and error. Guys need a chance to prove themselves and the staff needs a chance to evaluate the talent. But geez... it's a little nerve wracking.

I just need to pull it together and have confidence in the team, I guess. This team is confident. I should trust them to get the job done. Positive thoughts!! World Series or bust? Forget I said that, I don't want to jinx anything!

Day 338: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #7 - The Lingo

Greetings future baseball fans! If you've been following right along, you know that Baseball for Beginners has covered the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup and Some Basic Rules. If you're not all caught up, then you better set aside some reading time!

This week, I'm going to be discussing the lingo. Baseball is full of slang and funny words that the average non-baseball person might not understand. I'm here to help. There's a ton of baseball lingo so I'm going so start with terms pertaining to the pitcher and catcher—or The Battery. (That was your first term right there!) These baseball folks have a word for everything!

While the pitcher stands on The Hill (pitcher's mound), he's often said to be Toeing the Slab. His mission: to get those pesky batters out. If the pitcher is left handed, he's a South Paw. While some would think it's an insult to yell "pitcher's got a Rubber Arm," it's actually not because that just means his arm never gets tired.

Pitchers are often said to have a Gun... and I don't mean a firearm. It's just a strong throwing arm. A Hurler who has a Live Arm can throw Smoke (high velocity pitches) until the cows come home! He'll throw the Heater (fastball) right by a batter. But sometimes he might throw some Junk (sinker, forkball, screwball) or Take Something Off The Pitch to keep the batters on their toes. Other times, if the pitcher is ahead in the Count (number of balls and strikes), he might try to Waste a Pitch and throw some High Heat (high fastball) attempting to get the batter to swing at a pitch out of the strike zone.

My favorite of all the pitches is the curveball. It's an Uncle Charlie, a Hook that basically drops out of the strike zone 12-6 (like on the clock)—not the easiest pitch to hit. A good Bender will fool the best of the hitters when the Bottom Drops Out. And then there are those times when his stuff just isn't working and he ends up throwing a big, fat Meat Ball that ends up in the stands for a home run. Meat Balls are bad.

Sometimes pitchers are forced to pitch defensively to keep the guy at the Dish (home plate) honest. Maybe he's leaning in too far and Crowding the Plate... the pitcher might throw some Chin Music (a pitch that buzzes a player's face) to back him off. Or he might Handcuff the batter to make it difficult for him to make a full swing. There might also be a situation when maybe a player has been a little too good at the plate and the guy on the mound if forced to either Pitch Around the Hitter (intentionally throw bad pitches so he has nothing to hit) or he might Drill or Plunk (hit by pitch) that batter to teach him a lesson.

Getting Shelled is bad. It means the pitcher has given up a lot of runs. You don't want this to happen. His main purpose is to get guys out and the best way—a Punch Out (no, not fisticuffs, it's a strikeout.) And hopefully he can Ring Up three guys in a row by making them Whiff (swing and miss) and Strike Out the Side (strikeout all three batters in one inning.)

See? Lots of lingo to learn and there's still so much more to go. Try watching some spring training baseball games and see if you can put your new found vocabulary to good use!

Day 337: Red Sox New Sideline Reporter: Elle Duncan or Sarah Davis

NESN seems to go through female sideline reporters for the Red Sox broadcasts about as fast as Zsa Zsa Gabor goes through husbands. Not sure what it is about that position—possibly the lure of all those fit, good looking men sitting in the dugout not to far away? Or are Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy both a couple of despicable tyrants as coworkers? Maybe the trick is just start hiring trolls and maybe there will be no temptation.

We all know why Jenny Dell left the Red Sox broadcast team. Oh wait, she didn't leave, she was reassigned because she did fall to the temptation of one of those dugout dwellers. It was revealed a few months ago that not only were Dell and Boston third baseman, Will Middlebrooks dating, but they even lived together and things were clearly more serious than just a silly fling. I had the pleasure of meeting Jenny and she was really nice so I feel bad she got ousted from her post on the sidelines.

So now there seems to be a competition (although NESN claims it's not) for the recently vacated spot between two recent hires, Elle Duncan and Sarah Davis. NESN hasn't ruled out platooning the two women on the sidelines.

Davis, who most recently worked for Rogers Sportsnet in Toronto, has most recently hosted Soccer Central and Fox Soccer News for the network. Her other assignments included hosting UFC pre-fight programming and serving as the game-day host for the indoor lacrosse team, the Toronto Rock. She has also hosted pre-game shows for both the Maple Leafs and the Raptors. Impressive resume but there seems to be one thing missing—baseball.

Elle Duncan comes to NESN from 11 Alive in Atlanta where she was a traffic reporter but also worked the sidelines for the Atlanta Hawks. She also has eight years of radio experience and has contributed to the Atlanta Falcons pre- and post-game radio shows. Duncan also brings with her to Boston a criminal record. She was arrested in April 2013 for driving under the influence and reckless driving. She blew a 0.099 on the breathalyzer—just barely over the legal limit. Good thing Boston has public transportation.

Personally, I'm looking forward to seeing what these two can do in baseball since neither one of them has any experience reporting it. And also how each of them interacts with Don and Jerry. And if either falls under the spell of some single ballplayer. We shall see...

Day 336: Paula Creamer's Amazing Putt.

So it's March. This is officially the time when I start to really hate winter. This is when I cry, uncle! and declare my utter hatred for being cold. I'm over dressing in layers every day to combat the frigid temperatures, I'm over paying buckets to heat my house, and I'm over tiptoeing around my driveway so I don't crack my skull open on the ice. And despite my hatred for hot weather, I'm longing for spring and green grass right now.

Plus, I'm excited to play golf. Wait, scratch that—I'm totally pumped to play golf. I've got my sights on a brand new golf bag and some snazzy new kicks and I'm ready to hit the links. I'm not sure why I'm so excited. It's not like I magically got awesome over the winter. Although in my head, I've gained 30 yards on my drive and my short game is unstoppable. But what's in my head and what actually happens on the course are two completely different animals. I might still suck but I'm going to look good doing it!

Now here's something that will get you giddy about playing! It's been a long time since LPGA star, Paula Creamer, has won a tournament—not since the 2010 U.S. Women's Open. She has played in 79 tournaments since then and finally won this weekend in Singapore. But how she won was a thing of beauty. In a playoff, she drained an ugly, hilly 75-foot putt to take the top prize.

Now I'm pretty realistic in my golfing abilities and making a putt that long, under those circumstance, will never happen to me. But oh my, even if it did and I wasn't playing for the top prize on the pro tour, it would be a-friggin-mazing! And I would be talking about it for the rest of my life!

Day 335: Baseball's Opening Day a National Holiday? Yes, Please!

Baseball is the one sport where its Opening Day always seems fall on a weekday and the games are played in the afternoon—you know, when people are at work and kids are at school. So naturally, that day sees in an increase in workplace sickness and kiddos playing parent-approved hooky. Because seriously, who doesn't want to be at the ballpark on a crisp spring day in April?

It's a true sign that spring has sprung and summer is fast on its heels. The pomp and circumstance of Opening Day, the buzz of a ballpark, the sights, the sounds, the smell of popcorn and hotdogs. And how do they get the grass so green so early in April? It's a special day that deserves special recognition.

Baseball is America's Pastime. What would be more friggin' patriotic than if Opening Day was a national holiday? Well, Budweiser (now officially my new favorite beer for their part in this) launched an ad campaign featuring Hall of Fame shortstop, Ozzie Smith to get people to sign the petition. All we need is 100,000 signatures by March 26th. I would even be willing to trade in a holiday to make this happen. Take back Patriots Day and give us Opening Day. It's even in the same month!!

If that video doesn't get you pumped for calling in sick on Opening Day, I don't know what will.

Just think, no more having to make up some lame sickness in order to get the day off—even if you're not going to make it to the actual ballpark and you're just planning to sit on your couch and watch the game. And then you feel bad the next day when people ask how you're feeling and you have to come up with a reason why you're miraculously better the next day. *cough* Not that I've ever done this before, so I'm only assuming this is what happens. *cough*

CLICK HERE TO SIGN THE PETITION TO MAKE OPENING DAY A NATIONAL HOLIDAY!! Doooooooooooo it!! All the cool kids are signing!