Day 359: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #10 - You're Ready!

Well... it's the final week of the Baseball for Beginners series and here we are at Lesson #10. Hold me. {{sniff sniff}} You've learned about the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup, Some Basic Rules, Lingo, More Lingo and What Not to Wear. I've tried my best to prepare you newcomers to the game of baseball for all aspects of the game.

My goal at the outset of this series of posts was to hopefully get someone who's never been a fan of baseball, to at least considering giving it a shot. Maybe by knowing more about the game—some of the rules, equipment and, of course, the lingo, you might feel more comfortable heading out to your local team's stadium to take in a game.

You don't have to go to a major league ballpark... some of the best fun you'll have is at a minor league ballpark. The setting is more intimate and it costs a lot less. The minor league players are usually a lot more accessible, especially if you have kids. These still humble guys are cutting their teeth and have yet to be ruined by a big contract. There's no mistake that these guys are working their asses off to try and make it to "the Show"—there's not a ton of money to be made in the minors!

McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket, RI, the home of the Red Sox Triple-A team, has a unique feature. Because their dugouts are built into the wall under the grandstands, fans looking for autographs actually go "fishing." They'll lower the item they would like signed in a bucket and the players can sign the item, tug on the line, and the fans then pull up their newly autographed memorabilia. That would never happen at a major league park.

Be patient with the ballgame though. Baseball isn't the speediest sport around. But the slow pace of the game gives you a chance to enjoy the sights and you also don't run the risk of missing a big play like you do if you're watching hockey or football live. Games can be long. If there's a lot of offense, or the game is tied and goes into extra innings, you might be there for a while—you should set aside a good three to four hour block.

Buy a program so you can get to know the names of the players and can recognize them from their numbers. Try your hand at keeping score for a couple innings on the scorecard provided in the program. It will force you to pay attention to the action, as well as getting you more comfortable with the terminology.

So I think you're ready... grab a beer, some peanuts and cracker jacks, and maybe even a big 'ol sausage bomb (I like to eat a lot at the ballpark) and enjoy the game. And learn this song because most likely, you're going to be required to sing it!

Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game.

If you do get to a game, let me know how you like it.

Day 352: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #9 - Dress the Part

Just two lessons left which means that the Balls of All Sizes quest is nearing its finale—just 13 days left. Up until now, Baseball for Beginners has covered the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup, Some Basic Rules, Lingo and More Lingo. I'm sure I could do another half dozen posts on baseball lingo, but I figured you have enough to get you started and make you sound like you know what you're doing.

One of the most important lessons for new female baseball fans is the wardrobe. And we're not so much talking about what the players are wearing on the field. They were uniforms, by the way... not costumes or outfits. What I'm talking about is what you are wearing to the ballpark.

If you plan on attending a few games, please just purchase a hat. It's a pretty inexpensive item and can serve dual purposes. The hat can show your allegiance to your team, but also keep the sun out of your eyes if you're enjoying a day game in the bleachers. However... please, PLEASE never, EVER purchase a pink hat. If you're not under the age of five, this is not allowed. There's not much that screams "I have no friggin' idea what I'm doing" more than the pink hat.

Sometimes you might hear someone referred to as a "pink hat." This is not a compliment. Urban Dictionary defines a "pink hat" as "an over zealous, typically female fan of a recently successful local pro sports franchise. Characterized by the brand spanking new, officially licensed pink team hat. Typically spends the majority of the game chatting on cell phone, waving to TV camera, asking idiotic questions, and being a stupid, annoying nuisance in general." If you're trying to be a respectable, new baseball fan, steer clear of the pink hats. Don't let this happen to you!

There's no law that says you must wear a team-inspired t-shirt. But if you're next purchase happens to be a shirt, the choices are endless. I try to stay away from shirts with players' names on the back strictly because it bugs the shit out of me when you see a person sitting in Fenway Park wearing a NIXON jersey when Trot Nixon hasn't played for the Red Sox since 2006. The only exception are #8 Yastrzemski or #9 Williams shirts—or anyone else who played the majority of their career AND retired while with the Sox. (If you're not a Red Sox fan, this applies to your local team too!)

However... I would rather have you buy a shirt with someone's name on the back than a shirt that has any type of embellishment or bedazzles. Victoria's Secret has a PINK sports gear line that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. Click on the link HERE to view the absurdity, but please refrain from purchasing anything from this website. If the shirt sparkles or glitters, put it down and walk away from it... fast. I know there's a lot of gear made specifically for women. If you must buy it, go ahead. Just please make sure it won't blind someone when the sun hits it, and it displays the team colors.

Just follow these simple rules in clothing yourself for a trip to the ballpark and now one gets hurt. And I'll definitely let you sit next to me!

Day 345: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #8 - More Lingo!

Only a couple weeks left to learn (almost) everything you need know to be the best baseball fan ever! So far, Baseball for Beginners has covered the following important areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup, Some Basic Rules and the Lingo. Let's be serious here... if you haven't been following right along, you might be screwed. The baseball season opens in approximately 20 days (depending on where you live) and you've got some reading to do!

There's really so much slang in baseball that one post just barely scratched the surface. Every aspect of the game—from pitching to hitting to fielding—has some special term associated with it. From a simple single, also called a base knock, to a frozen rope or hard hit line drive, to a shot up the middle (through the middle of the infield), there are a variety of different types of hits. A gapper hit between two outfielders could mean two bases, and sometimes even three.

But there's no hit in baseball that has more awesome names than a home run. If you ask me, it makes it that much more fun when you're sitting in the stands and the guy up to bat hits a dinger—it might even be a moon shot (a high, towering shot.) You could hear fans around you refer to it as a four bagger... you know, because the player gets to run around the bases or four bags. Or they might say, "he went yard."

One of the most dramatic round-trippers in baseball happens when the bases are juiced or loaded, meaning there's a runner on each bag. That's called a grand slam or grand salami! My favorite recent grand salami happened last October... watch and enjoy! Ahhhhhh... While it wasn't a tape measure shot (a very long home run), it was certainly a special one. Even that cop in the bullpen thought so.

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That long ball by Big Papi didn't win the game, but it did tie it up giving them a fighting chance. The Red Sox ended up winning this one with a walk off single (a hit that wins the game in the final at bat for the home team.) It really was one of the best games ever!!

Here's hoping for more of the same in 2014!!

Day 338: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #7 - The Lingo

Greetings future baseball fans! If you've been following right along, you know that Baseball for Beginners has covered the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders, the Lineup and Some Basic Rules. If you're not all caught up, then you better set aside some reading time!

This week, I'm going to be discussing the lingo. Baseball is full of slang and funny words that the average non-baseball person might not understand. I'm here to help. There's a ton of baseball lingo so I'm going so start with terms pertaining to the pitcher and catcher—or The Battery. (That was your first term right there!) These baseball folks have a word for everything!

While the pitcher stands on The Hill (pitcher's mound), he's often said to be Toeing the Slab. His mission: to get those pesky batters out. If the pitcher is left handed, he's a South Paw. While some would think it's an insult to yell "pitcher's got a Rubber Arm," it's actually not because that just means his arm never gets tired.

Pitchers are often said to have a Gun... and I don't mean a firearm. It's just a strong throwing arm. A Hurler who has a Live Arm can throw Smoke (high velocity pitches) until the cows come home! He'll throw the Heater (fastball) right by a batter. But sometimes he might throw some Junk (sinker, forkball, screwball) or Take Something Off The Pitch to keep the batters on their toes. Other times, if the pitcher is ahead in the Count (number of balls and strikes), he might try to Waste a Pitch and throw some High Heat (high fastball) attempting to get the batter to swing at a pitch out of the strike zone.

My favorite of all the pitches is the curveball. It's an Uncle Charlie, a Hook that basically drops out of the strike zone 12-6 (like on the clock)—not the easiest pitch to hit. A good Bender will fool the best of the hitters when the Bottom Drops Out. And then there are those times when his stuff just isn't working and he ends up throwing a big, fat Meat Ball that ends up in the stands for a home run. Meat Balls are bad.

Sometimes pitchers are forced to pitch defensively to keep the guy at the Dish (home plate) honest. Maybe he's leaning in too far and Crowding the Plate... the pitcher might throw some Chin Music (a pitch that buzzes a player's face) to back him off. Or he might Handcuff the batter to make it difficult for him to make a full swing. There might also be a situation when maybe a player has been a little too good at the plate and the guy on the mound if forced to either Pitch Around the Hitter (intentionally throw bad pitches so he has nothing to hit) or he might Drill or Plunk (hit by pitch) that batter to teach him a lesson.

Getting Shelled is bad. It means the pitcher has given up a lot of runs. You don't want this to happen. His main purpose is to get guys out and the best way—a Punch Out (no, not fisticuffs, it's a strikeout.) And hopefully he can Ring Up three guys in a row by making them Whiff (swing and miss) and Strike Out the Side (strikeout all three batters in one inning.)

See? Lots of lingo to learn and there's still so much more to go. Try watching some spring training baseball games and see if you can put your new found vocabulary to good use!

Day 331: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #6 - Some Basic Rules

Ok, fans-to-be, so far Baseball for Beginners has covered the following areas: Pitchers, Catchers, Infielders, Outfielders and the Lineup. Be sure to catch up if you've missed any of the previous lessons. This week's lecture is going to cover a few basic rules that make you sound well-versed in the game of baseball even if you still don't fully understand the game.

The game of baseball is played between two teams who alternate between offense and defense. There are nine innings in a game and each inning is divided in half—each team gets three outs per half inning. The top of the inning is when the visiting team hits and the home team plays the field and then vice versa in the bottom of the inning. Each team fields nine players and the ultimate goal is to score more runs than the other team. A run is scored when a player runs completely around the bases back to home plate. The bases are 90 feet apart on the infield which is shaped like a diamond—what's not to like about this sport?

As with most sports, baseball has specific equipment that is used. When playing the field (defense), a glove is worn to catch the ball on the non-throwing hand. The baseball is roughly three inches in diameter and there's something beautiful about the stark whiteness of the leather covering with the red stitching. The offense uses a bat to hit the ball which, at the major league level, can only be made of wood—most often ash is used.

On offense, each team's batting order (the lineup) gets their turn at the plate to try and get on base. If the batter hits the ball into the field of play, they run to first base and beyond if they can get there without getting out. If a batter gets three strikes (a swing and a miss or a called strike by the umpire), they're called out. On the other hand, if there are four balls (a pitch not in the strike zone), that batter automatically takes first base. If the batter hits the ball over the outfield fence in fair territory, it's a home run and the batter can circle all four bases.

On defense, there are several ways the team can get an opposing player out. The pitcher can strike out the batter (which is the most fun way as far as I'm concerned!) There are force outs which occur when, after the ball is hit, the defensive player with the ball reaches the base before the runner. Fly outs generally happen in the outfield when the batter hits a fly ball that is caught before the ball hits the ground. Or the runner can be tagged out when the defensive player just touches that runner with the ball (or the glove with the ball in it.)

Baseball is the perfect sport for a lazy, hot summer day. The pace of the game is generally slower than most sports and, maybe this is what I love so much about it, it doesn't require your full attention every second of the game.

Day 324: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #5 - The Lineup

While the snow is gently aggressively falling here in the northeast, Spring Training is in full swing down in sunny (un-snowy) Fort Meyers, Florida. I hate everyone who can comfortably wear shorts right now. I can't even comfortably wear shorts in my house—anything less than three layers and a fleece blanket is just not acceptable. I'm not bitter about winter or anything... nope.

Ok... here we are at Lesson #5 of Baseball for Beginners. I've realized that what I think in my head are very informative posts about baseball, are really just a bunch of gibberish that probably still don't actually teach stuff. Anywho... if you missed the previous "lessons", click here, here, here and here for your refresher. I've mostly talked about the defensive positions in baseball so this week I'm switching it up and discussing the offense—getting the hits and scoring the runs.

Often times conversations will revolve around a team's lineup—also known as the batting order. This is the order the nine players get their turn at the plate and it's the main component of a team's offensive strategy. The lineup is set by the team's manager before the game begins and must be followed exactly or it violates the rules and people get really mad and bad things can happen.

The batting order has some fun nicknames too. The first guy up to bat is called the "leadoff" hitter, the fourth guy is know as the "cleanup" because if the first, second and third guys get on base, he can clean up by driving them all in. The top two batters are often fairly quick and solid hitters—guys that have high on-base percentages and can get hits in front of the big guys.

The third, fourth and fifth batters are often called the "heart" of the lineup. These are generally the big bats, the guys who can hit for power and drive in runs. The remainder of the batting order are placed based on their lack of offensive abilities. The ninth or "last" batter usually isn't the best hitter on the team and with teams that don't utilize the designated hitter, this position in the lineup is reserved for the pitcher who is usually a pretty sucky hitter.

At the start of each inning, the batting order picks up where it left off in the previous inning. And because a game might end before the last cycle is complete, the #1 hitter might have one more at bat than the #9 hitter—another reason you want your strongest batters near the top of the order.

Also, in Major League Baseball, the designated hitter (DH) is a player who doesn't field a defensive position, but instead fills in for the pitcher in the batting order. The DH can only be used for the pitcher and only in the American League. The National League still requires the pitcher to hit for himself. In the past, teams normally would have employed a big, power hitter to hit in the "heart" of the order but times have changed and many organizations are unwilling to pay big bucks to a guy who only plays one side of the game.

My big question as we head into the 2014 baseball season is who the heck is going to bat leadoff for the Red Sox now that Jacoby Ellsbury has defected to the New York Yankees? Shane Victorino, perhaps? Or will Jackie Bradley Jr. prove himself enough offensively in spring training to earn that most important spot in the batting order? We shall see!

Day 317: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #4 - The Outfielders

What a relief it was when I realized today was a baseball lesson day. I'm absolutely petrified to go perusing around the interwebs for fear of spoiling whatever Olympic events are going to be airing tonight in primetime. Seriously... this nine hour time difference is not doing anything for my stress levels—even though I'm pretty sure I said I wasn't going to let it get to me just last week. So tonight we move on to week four of Baseball for Beginners where we'll learn about the outfielders. If you missed weeks one, two and three, you can click HERE, HERE and HERE for those lessons.

The outfield (not the band from the '80's) is that vast stretch of emerald green grass just beyond the dirt of the infield that covers all the way to the wall. It's a magnificent expanse that is defended by just three guys—the left fielder who covers the left side obviously, the center fielder and the right fielder. They're responsible for catching fly balls and fielding base hits quickly to hold the runner to as few bases as possible. These players have a lot of ground to cover so generally, they should have some speed.

Outfielders tend to be a fearless bunch, throwing themselves into and over walls to try and make the catch. And home field advantage is often most important for them defensively because no two baseball parks have the same outfield blueprint. Each ballpark has its own quirks and corners and bounces. For example, Boston's Fenway Park has a left field wall that, while it stands only 305-310-ish feet from home plate, it stretches just over 37 feet high and serves as a large target for right-handed hitters. Many a potential home run has been robbed by that wall and those left fielders with vast Fenway experience, have the ability to hold a runner to a single off a ball that could've been a home run in a different ballpark.

Some of the greatest players in baseball history played the outfield. Red Sox slugger, Ted Williams, patrolled left field in the '40s and '50s and was the last major leaguer to bat over .400 when he hit .406 in 1940.  Even if you're not a die hard baseball fan, you may have heard names like Joe DiMaggio, Carl Yastrzemski, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth—all famous, Hall of Fame outfielders.

Here's just a little hint of what some outfielders put themselves through to try and get the job done... and when you're on enemy territory, you don't get too much help from those around you. Oh and well, this clip is just full of awesome so at least watch the first 30 seconds or so.

If that doesn't get you pumped up for baseball season, I'm not sure what will!

Day 310: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #3 - The Infielders

Welcome to week three of becoming a baseball fan! We've learned about the Pitcher (here) and the Catcher (here) but these guys need some help in the field. They're the two that get the play started and the seven other guys in the field are there to try and keep that batter from getting on base. Tonight, we're going to discuss the infield. I love the infield. This is where I played in my years of softball—I've played third base, shortstop and second base. Even though I've never played first base, I've certainly Bill Bucknered my share of ground balls at the other positions.

The infield consists of four players who man the three bases—first, second and third—as well as the shortstop who patrols the area between second and third base. They're the first line of defense against the opposing batters.

First base is the first of four that a baserunner must touch in order to score a run. It lives at the right corner of the infield. The first baseman is the guy who plays the field nearest to that base and is responsible for the majority of the plays made there. This guy is normally a big guy with good flexibility and cat-like reflexes. He often needs to stretch, sometimes almost into a split, to field throws from the other infielders. If the first baseman catches the throw before the runner touches the base, that runner is out. If a runner reaches first base, this guy is also responsible for keeping them from stealing.

Second base is the next base that a runner will advance to. The second baseman, the guy guarding that base and patrolling the right side of the infield, has to be all-around quick. He needs quick hands and feet and needs to get rid of the ball quickly. If a second baseman finishes the game with a clean uniform, he most likely sucks. He's pivotal in a double play, often the guy who gets upended by the runner sliding into second to break up the play. Second basemen are rarely big guys and not really known for their power at the plate.

The shortstop is different because he has no base to protect. He is, however, responsible for protecting the left side of the infield. Baseball generally has more right-handed than left-handed hitters and since most batters have a tendency to pull the ball slightly, the shortstop is usually a busy guy. Because of where on the field the shortstop is positioned, he must have the strongest arm in the infield. And like the second baseman, he should be agile in order to field those balls hit hard to his position.

Lastly, is the hot corner or third base—the last infield base touched by a runner on their way to home plate. It's called the "hot corner" because the third baseman is generally closer to the batter and right-handed batters can scorch a ball in his direction. These players also must have quick reflexes due to that close proximity to the plate, and they must also have a strong throwing arm. This wasn't my favorite position mostly because I didn't want to get nailed in the face with a screaming line drive.

So there you have it. Some quick facts about the infield and the guys who patrol it. Balls hit out of the infield are the responsibility of the outfielders—we'll take a more in-depth look at those guys next Tuesday.

Day 303: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #2 - The Catcher

You know that guy that crouches behind home plate at a baseball game? The guy with the mask and shin guards and chest protector? The guy with the ridiculously large thighs and the funny looking mitt that makes you wonder how on earth he catches with it? Not the guy in black, he's the umpire. The other guy, in front of him... he's the team's catcher.

I have a soft spot for the catcher. At one time in my Little League softball career I attempted this position, but scooching for that long is really painful. But my grandfather was a catcher—and a really good one too. So... yeah... I have great respect for the guy squatting behind the plate for three plus hours with foul balls constantly bouncing off him.

The catcher is the battery mate of the pitcher. If you missed Lesson #1 about the Pitcher, stop reading this post immediately and click HERE. His primary job is to catch the ball from the pitcher. He also has a lot of say in what type of pitch the pitcher throws. The catcher is just as responsible for knowing the batter as well as the pitcher. He's gives the pitcher a sign to tell him whether to throw a fastball, a curveball, a splitter, or whatever type of pitch they think will best fool the guy at the plate.

Because of where the catcher is positioned, he can see the whole field so he leads the defense. He directs the other players and typically will signal to other infielders (who'll you'll learn about next week) if a special play is needed because of the base running situation, or the tendencies of the guy currently up to bat. A catcher is one of those guys who can be on a team purely for his defense, even if his offensive skills are sub par. But ideally... it's good if the catcher can hit too!

The catcher usually has to be the toughest guy on the field. Not only is he constantly peppered with errant foul balls, but he also can be involved in home plate collisions. It's the one base where the runners can throw themselves at the catcher to try and dislodge the ball—at least it was until Major League Baseball outlawed these collisions for the 2014 season. Catchers also find themselves defending the pitchers quite often. If the pitcher has just hit the batter with a pitch and that batter takes offense and charges after the pitcher, it's the catcher's job to tackle that a-hole before he gets to the mound.

If you're still confused about the catcher and what he does and how important he is to calling the game and how dangerous it can be for the pitcher to not follow his instructions, please watch thes highly educational video clips. The handsome guy wearing that funny blue chest protector—he's the catcher.

I recommend watching the entire movie instructional video... it's very helpful for understanding the relationship between pitchers and catchers.

Day 296: Baseball for Beginners: Lesson #1 - The Pitchers

As far as I'm concerned, the football season is over. Super Bowl Sunday will be for eating and critiquing commercials. The Olympics start in two and a half weeks, and then baseball is back. Red Sox Truck Day is February 8th and pitchers and catchers report a week later on February 15th. It's right around the corner and it fills my heart with glee!

But with the impending start to the 2014 baseball season, comes a rather sad occurrence. It will mark the end of my Balls of All Sizes quest for 365—a quest that is looking pretty attainable at this point in time. There are just ten Tuesdays left in this journey and in that time, I'm determined to make some unsuspecting non-sports loving reader a baseball fan for life. Yes, there are people I've threatened who don't like sports but still read this blog. Expanding horizons, or something like that.

Honestly, there are so many posts I can write about the rules and plays and nuances in baseball, I could probably concentrate on just baseball for the rest of my days, but some readers might get a tad bored by reading shit they already know. I figure if you know the players and what they do, that's half the battle right there. All the rest will fall into place. Maybe. If not, you know where to find me.

So without further ado, I bring you the first installment of Baseball for Beginners. I'm going to start with the PITCHER mainly because (a) he's a pretty integral part of the team, and (b) he's known on the score card as position #1 so it's a natural place to start. He stands on the mound in the middle of the infield and throws (or pitches) the ball to the catcher (more about him next week) and those pitches are judged by the know-it-all umpire (who stands behind home plate) as either balls (four balls are bad) or strikes (three strikes are good.) His goal is to get the batter out and keep the opposing team from scoring runs. Runs are bad. Outs are good. Strikeouts are even better.

Pitchers also control the pace of the game. When a pitcher is on his game and retiring batters, the game just flies by. But get a couple guys on base and he becomes preoccupied with those base runners. This is when baseball gets tedious and makes you want to throw your full $8 beer at the pitcher's head. You want a pitcher who gets the ball and throws the ball. You don't want a pitcher who stares down his catcher, shakes off signs and steps off the mound too often. He's obviously uncomfortable with his situation and often times, nothing good comes of it.

The pitcher can also be a whiny bitch. If things aren't going his way, if the umpire has a strike zone the size of a quarter, it can send him over the edge. He can be fiery. He'll roll his eyes, throw up his hands and be generally two-year-old-ish if he's not getting his way. Pitchers have also been known to throw shit, knock over water coolers or worse, sulk. And don't talk to him in the dugout, especially if he's flirting with a no-hitter. Men have been killed for just thinking about a no-hitter.

He's also responsible for avenging his teammates. If someone gets beaned, it's the job of the pitcher to retaliate. Throw a couple high and tight, back the batter off the plate, make him uncomfortable in the batter's box. And then, KAPOW, a high fastball smack in the middle of the back. It's not uncommon for a play like this to end in a bench-clearing slap-fight brawl with the pitcher at the epicenter of the melee.

Pitchers are complex beings with intricate routines and even more elaborate superstitions. When Roidger Roger Clemens played for the Yankees, he touched the Babe Ruth statue before every start. Charlie Kerfeld, a Houston Astros pitcher from the 80's, wore a Jetson's t-shirt under his uniform—coincidently, the character of choice was the Jetson's dog, Astro. And then there was Turk Wendell—Google him, I don't have enough time to list all of his bizarre superstitions, but this dude would brush his teeth between innings. Seriously.

Stop yawning... I think I've pontificated enough on the position of pitcher. Next week, we'll learn about the pitcher's batter mate, the catcher. I know you're all breathless with anticipation. Try to contain yourselves.