Monday, February 3, 2014

Day 309: The Most Watched Super Bowl Ever? Really?

So it's no secret I thought the Super Bowl sucked. If you weren't a Seattle Seahawks fan reveling in the beat down or a general Peyton Manning hater, it was a total yawn-fest. The fourth quarter was so incredibly painful to watch, I left it for the comfort of my latest read. I, for sure, would rather have my tonsils removed through my belly button than have to watch anyone on the Seahawks in an interview.

A lot of the late game uncomfortableness had to do with the Denver Broncos' lackadaisical approach to trying to make a comeback. Where was the hurry-up offense? Where was the sense of urgency? It was clearly all absent. The Broncos went fetal at the worst possible time. Did that football off the noggin on the first play of the game knock something loose in Peyton's brain? Or where they a bunch of impostors? A friend posted on Facebook: "Somewhere, all of the Broncos players are tied up in their underwear while the Raiders play in the Super Bowl wearing Broncos' uniforms." Yeah... it was just like that. (Thanks for the laugh, Jamie!) 

It's really unbelievable to me that this ridiculous 43-8 drubbing was the most watched Super Bowl ever. Seriously? I'll believe most mocked, but most watched? Get out of town. But it's true—111.5 million people watched this crap—the biggest blowout since Dallas clubbed Buffalo 52-17 in 1993. I'm assuming about 90 million of those people used the game as an excuse to eat absurdly large vats of food and wax poetic about the overpriced and mostly disappointing commercials. (Not Budweiser, they were my favorite.)

Five of the last six Super Bowls have been decided by less than a touchdown—two of those games featured my New England Patriots who lost both nail biters. I would've preferred one or both of those games ended a little differently... maybe with second stringers getting some snaps because the game was so far out of reach. I will say I was a bit envious of those 'Hawks fans just coasting to the presentation of the Lombardi Trophy without a care in the world.

I also have to wonder if any of the other 111,499,999 people noticed what I noticed. There's a common denominator in three of last seven Super Bowls for the losing team. There was a certain player that played in Super Bowl XLII, XLVI and XLVIII and lost all three. Yup, Wes Welker. I've come to the conclusion that this guy is bad news. He's a jinx, a curse and total hex. Someone very evil and very clever possesses a tiny little Wes Welker voodoo doll ensuring that any team he's a part of will never win the coveted Championship. Sorry, Peyton... you're stuck with him now.

I'm curious how many of those 111.5 million folks woke up this morning with no recollection of anything that happened after the muffed coin toss by one fur-cloaked (and possibly drunk) Joe Namath. Oh well... so long, football. See you next fall.

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