Friday, December 20, 2013

Day 264: Most Touchdown Celebrations are Stupid

Let's just get this out in the open right now: I am NOT a fan of touchdown dances. I'm not a fan of sack celebrations or a player calling his own first down. But the TD jigs must go. I'm not saying a touchdown shouldn't be celebrated, I'm just saying it doesn't need to be obnoxious and offensive.

I prefer a nice clean forceful spike. Rob Gronkowski does it right—spike the ball as hard as you possibly can. The spike is a celebration everyone can understand. Although there was that one time early in the 2012 season where he tried a dance. It was bad. He should most definitely stick to the spiking.

Sometimes the spike can go horribly wrong. When Danny Amendola played for the St. Louis Rams, he spiked the ball and it bounced up into a guy's face. I guess he wasn't accounting for the angle the oblong-shaped ball would take once it left the ground. Oops. And in 2011, a NY Giants player didn't even bother to spike the ball, he just chucked it right into the face of an unsuspecting intern standing outside the end zone. I'm sure that left a mark.

It's almost as if some players spend more time practicing their stupid end zone dance routine than they do on bettering themselves for the actual game. Or maybe they don't even think about it and they just go with the flow. In 2000, San Francisco's Terrell Owens scored a touchdown and sprinted to mid field to perform his celebratory actions on the Dallas star logo. Dallas took offense and a melee broke out as a Cowboy's defender shoved him in anger. Not that he didn't deserve it. It was a pretty big douchebag move.

Then there are those that surely send coaches into violent fits of rage. DeSean Jackson was so interested in getting to his celebration that he let go of the ball before he crossed the goal line. He got credit for a fumble. You would've thought after the great Thanksgiving Leon Lett debacle of '93, players would be more careful of those types of miscues. When Lett ran back a Buffalo fumble and began his celebration just a tad early, Buffalo Bills' Don Beebee came up from behind and knocked the ball out of his hand and through the end zone for a touchback. Dumb ass.

Acrobatic flips are pretentious. Gyrating dances are flamboyant. Goal post dunks are just moronic—especially when the dunk is rejected (ask SF's Vernon Davis about that.) And pretending to moon the opposing crowd *cough* Randy Moss *cough* is just plain pompous. I hope there was an angry mob was waiting for him outside after the game. He deserved a pummeling for that shit.

But nothing is worse then the dances where you just shake your head and wonder what the hell just happened. Aaron Hernandez's touchdown dance always confused the hell out of me. Now I think it was some sort of gang sign for "I'm going to kill you if you talk to the wrong people." Or I could be wrong.

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